Day #14 – Maintaining Belief

Day #14 The Single Woman Blog Challenge #10 ( “Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you”

The first link I clicked on gave me name meaning (biblical) as well as a “SoulUrge” number (?), which I’ll share because I find it spookily accurate:

SoulUrge Number: 6:  People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated.

I refuse to believe that my happily ever after will never happen.  I maintain the belief that every obstacle I climbed over will result in the thing I want most: a life partner that loves me for who I am and a stable family.  It took me awhile to figure this out, but when chatting with a friend today we asked ourselves “what makes you happy?”  The answer I had with no hesitation in my heart: being a mom! ❤

Over a year ago I suffered back and leg pain which later resulted in back surgery.  A couple months before my surgery, I was blessed with the opportunity to spend a solid month with my 6 year old niece.  It was then I realized that with no stress of a job pulling me away from my personal life that I truly loved being a mother (and in the case with her, a mother-figure).  This precious time I was given with my niece was what I had needed with my own child.  I love being a parent.  I enjoy the daily antics and discoveries with a child.

Now, don’t get me wrong!  I’m not saying I need to be a stay-at-home mom and how on earth would that work when I’m so very single and my kid is in school.  What I’ve realized is the stress of trying to financially raise a child on my own has overcome my heart where I’m not focusing on the more important thing: her.  But how do I balance the focus?  I can’t take focus away from my job and career because my household depends on the income.  I’ve got to figure this balance out!

Being a single mother from the time my daughter was barely 3 years old until now has robbed me of the love I genuinely feel of being a parent.  Friends tell me to focus on myself and my daughter while I am going through this journey, but I still struggle with doing it alone.  Sure, I have help in some ways – I cannot lie about that as I am very grateful to those that sacrifice their lives to help me.  But the meals, the evenings and the mornings are tough.  Is there such a thing as having a relationship with another person where you are a team in the dinners and the getting ready for bed or getting ready for school in the mornings?  I have to believe that there is!  And I hope I am blessed with a loving partner where I can enjoy being a mom again.

Five things that make me HAPPY: museums, Denver’s City Park, being “Limo Mom” & putting smiles on the kids’ faces, walks in the sunshine and staring at the mountains from the Sky Terrace


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